According to The Telegraph, “India, China, Japan and possibly America are engaged in a race to a new frontier, starting with the Moon.”

Indeed, it was this week that India’s Chandrayaan-1 probe and data from two other spacecraft confirmed the presence of water on the moon.

However, what still remains a mystery is why British tax payers are forking out over £800 million to feed India’s poor, when their Chandrayaan space craft cost over £50 million to build.

In fact, India is one of the single largest recipients of foreign aid under the Department for International Development’s UK Aid programme. A lot of publicity has been given recently to Gordon Clown’s announcement that £825 million is being given to India in aid, however what it not mentioned is the fact that over the last 5 years the UK taxpayer has already provided India with over a billion pounds.

You have to wonder when the madness will end?

We all know the foundation of the British Empire was built on tea, and I’m partial to a few cups a day myself.

Normally I buy Tetley Tea, but at the supermarket yesterday I opted for a slightly cheaper brand at around £2.50. Then, at the very last moment, I swapped them for the scummiest, cheapest brand of tea bags at a cost of 38 pence.

My thinking was, just as gold is gold, tea is tea. No amount of money is going to change a tea leaf into something else. In fact, the packet even said, “Ingredients: 100% black tea.”

Now some might argue there are different qualities of tea leaves, and perhaps even slightly different varieties. But surely, after the leaf itself has been picked, dried out, crumbled up, shipped halfway across the world, placed into a little bag and then stewed in boiling water, the difference in taste will be negligible?

Around 9 months ago I noticed 3 little black spots on my chin - kind of like blackheads but upon closer inspection they appeared to be thick hairs shaved close to my skin. A couple of months later and they were still there, so I squeezed one, and to my amazement a little black stick slid out!

It was approximately 1cm long and much thicker than a normal hair. It was also fairly hard and solid (i.e. not dirt, skin cells or puss).

Over the next few days I set to work on the other two spots, which proved more difficult to remove. After a lot of squeezing and pressing I managed to get two more of the black sticks to slide from out of my chin - both much the same as the original. I saved one of them on top of a gel pot and dared one of my friends to touch it. But sadly, someone cleaned my bathroom shortly afterwards and I found the stick had been removed from the top of the gel pot.

Now, several months on, I noticed another black spot in the same area. I tried squeezing it, and it just looked like a thick hair so I left it alone. The next day I took a shower and then had a shave. As I passed the razor over my chin I felt a sharp pain, as if the razor had sliced into my skin.

I quickly looked in the mirror, and found it hadn’t cut me at all. Basically, the razor had caught the thick “hair” and plucked it right out. A new black stick was now standing about 1cm out of my face. I tried to remove it, but it appeared to still be wedged in the follicle, so I had to grip it tightly and pull it out.

I did a search on Google for “mutant facial hair” and found someone with a similar experience. In fact, his photo (below) shows one of the little black sticks he removed from his chin, which looks exactly the same as the ones I removed from mine.

I know these are not blackheads, because a blackhead is a blocked follicle whereby the surface of the puss has oxidised and turned black. These black sticks are thick and hard (not pussy or gooey) - just like mutant hairs or several hairs combined into one.

Last year I parked in town, at 11:45pm. The car park became free at midnight, and I didn’t fancy forking out a couple of quid for 15 minutes worth of parking.

Assuming there would not be a traffic warden around at such an hour, I left the car and headed to meet some friends. As if paying £8 to get into a club and drink tap water wasn’t bad enough, imagine my shock when I returned to find a council parking fine on my windscreen. The ticket said I was observed at 11:50pm and ticketed at 11:55pm (5 minutes before it became free).

Anyway, last month I parked in a different council owned car park which is situated above a shopping centre. After putting £2.50 in the meter I then spent just under 2 hours in town.

Upon returning to my car, there was a parking fine attached to the windscreen yet again. I examined the ticket I had purchased and it said I had paid £1.50, NOT £2.50, meaning that a quid had dropped through the machine without me realising.

I wrote to the council and explained I was thoroughly miffed at losing £1, let alone getting a £25 fine on top. Of course, they explained it was my responsibility to check the fee paid and the fine still stands. But it got me thinking, when you consider the cost of council tax, not to mention the hefty rates that the shops in town must pay to the council, it begs the question why we have to pay for parking at all?

Here was my recent conversation in an online chat interface with Geotrust technical support:

********

Please wait while we find an agent from the GeoTrust Europe Order Processing department to assist you.
You have been connected to Kyle .
Me: Oh hai
Kyle : Hello sir
Me: I have just placed 3 seperate orders for 3 ssl certs <3
Me: One of them has worked fine
Me: One of them I have approved but not received the cert
Me: The other said that payment had failed and I need to contact support </3
Kyle : Yes. 57623912 which had a payment failure has now been completed and delivered to “xxx@carrotblog.co.uk”
Kyle : What is the third order?
Me: It appears they have all come through now
Kyle : Excellent!
Kyle : Is there anything else I may assist you with today?
Me: Have you ever tried the cereal Quaker Oat Granolar?
Kyle : No, I am affraid I have not
Me: I haven’t, but it looks horrible. Anyway that is all ¬_¬ Thanks for your help
Kyle : You Are Very Welcome. Thank You, Have A Great Day, & Thank You For Choosing GeoTrust

********

Every time I drive back from town, I pass this billboard tucked out of the way near a bridge, which is like a yellow tinged photograph of an office stacked high with papers, or something similar (despite its size, it’s actually hard to make out exactly what the photo is).

Over the top of the photo, in boring Times Roman typeface, are the words, “I may have nothing to tell you.”

Aside from that, there is absolutely no clue as to what the billboard is about. It’s not exactly a prime location either, so it seems doubtful it’s some kind of subliminal message from a multi-national corp.

(Photo to follow soon)

I haven’t updated this blog in a while, but just before Christmas last year me and a friend were having a night out in Petersborough (Peterborough).

At the end of the night we decided to look for food. On a previous night out we had experienced the delights of the local kebab house. Our chicken doner kebabs looked nothing like chicken and were tasteless, and upon looking around all the locals were eating beef burgers.

Anyway, based on this past experience we decided to play safe and go to Subway, at which point we had a roll covered in gravy. As it happens I hate gravy but I told my friend to get me “whatever you’re having” - my mistake.

Anyhow, while I was waiting I witnessed this drunk guy completely covered in gravy, all over his shirt, jeans, hands and face. So we nicknamed him The Human Gravy Fountain.

Since then people have commented they didn’t realise Sub Way did gravy, but I think it’s just because it was near Christmas.

We also went into Yates in Petersborough in the new year for some food, and my friend had bangers and mash which was covered in gravy. And I commented, wouldn’t it be amusing if The Human Gravy fountain worked in Yates, and had just microwaved his gravy stained jeans and then wrung them out over the food.

So Pizza Hut is changing its name to Pasta Hut! This does not really please me since I like pizza and hate pasta.

To quote the Telegraph:

The chain, which launched its first restaurant in Britain in 1973, is replacing its pizza-focused menu with a menu consisting mainly of pasta dishes.

This means that as well as the traditional deluxe pizzas, customers will also have the option of ordering more sophisticated dishes such as tomato and mozzarella mezzaluna and prawn and crayfish arrabiata.

The re-branding is part of an £18 million revamp package designed to attract new customers and move it into more upmarket terrain.

As part of the revamp, the chain is temporarily naming 30 of its branches Pasta Hut.

Apparently it’s part of a drive to adopt a healthier image. Which begs the question, why the hell do people think pizza is not healthy? I can imagine them now, “Zomg I just had a slice of teh pizza i can feel the fatz coming especially as its after 7pm!!1″

In 1998 Kellogs changed Coco Pops to Choco Krispies in the UK so that they would fall in line with Germany and Spain where they are known by this name. But after falling sales and a telephone poll they were forced to re-introduce the original name in 1999.

And if you can’t make money from flour and water - i.e. pizza, why would you think you could make it from flour and water - i.e. pasta? Then again, all the publicity is probably doing them some good.

Tonight my friends have been teaching me a little about TV. It is absolutely amazing and absolutely stupid at the same time. My friend mentioned something about BBC 3 and I laughed so hard, and remarked that it is actually called ITV, and then he revealed there actually IS a BBC 3 I did not know about!

There is also a channel called E4 which I did know about (apparently part of Channel 4). Holly Oaks is on Channel 4, but then straight afterwards the episode for tomorrow is on E4. So you’re like one day ahead of yourself (pointless).

It gets more confusing though. Apparently there is an E4+1 which shows everything that is on E4, but an hour later. So if you watch Holly Oaks on E4+1 you’re 23 hours ahead of yourself rather than 24 hours ahead. Or is that 25 hours ahead?

Unfortunately there is not an E4-1 where you can watch stuff early.

Anyway, if you have something called “on demand” it doesn’t matter because you can miss everything and watch it all later.

Usually I just put my TV on, and if there is not World’s Wildest Police Chases immediately on my screen I get scared and turn it off again.

I found this article on the BBC website quite entertaining:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7595509.stm