The damage has been repaired (without respraying the whole bumper), however my wallet is now £140 lighter. Chips Away sanded down the area and cleaned it with solvent, before priming, painting, polishing and lacquering. All in all about 3 hours work and there is no sign of the original “mistake”.

I am glad the whole bumper didn’t need doing because I learnt today that when Jaguar apply the factory paint they check it afterwards with a laser to within 100 microns.

Afterwards the bin men arrived and I looked out the window to check they didn’t reverse the lorry into the car (that would have been ironic). Anyway, I saw the driver get out and look around suspiciously, and then proceed to have a piss up the side of the lorry wheel.

There looks like a blemish in the paint but this is just light reflection.

I’ve had my car for sometime now and as many people will know I’ve kept it in perfect condition. Whenever I have to park in public car parks I tend to park far away from everyone else because I got fed up of paying £60 a time to have door dings removed (caused by people who fling open their doors when parked next to you or or ram a trolley into the side of your car).

In fact it was only last night I went to the cinema, and upon parking right at the far end of the car park my friend asked if we should get a taxi to take us to the other end, and almost got his binoculars out.

But today, I came to clean it for the first time in a few weeks and some stupid DICK HEAD with a red car has taken a one inch chunk of paint out of the bumper and left a nice 8 inch scuff alongside it. I have no idea who it was but there is a bit of red paint left behind.

I estimate the cost of sanding down and respraying the bumper will be between £200 - £500 :’(

There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife or girlfriend with a broom, and having the guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife or girlfriend on the arse and having the balls to say, “You’re next fatty…”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Just to follow on from the post below, a few days later my lawn was swarming with birds (not sure what kind - little brown ones). It was quite creepy there were so many.