I found this article on the BBC website quite entertaining:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7595509.stm

I have now reached 15 stone in weight ftw. It’s now going to take several months to get to 16 stone, at which point I will then start the cutting process (losing the fat) and get back to around 14 stone @ 8-10% body fat.

Mr. Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker. It was After Eight.

She was from Quality Street ; he was a Fisherman’s Friend. On the way, they stopped at a Yorkie bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.

He asked her name.

“Polo, I’m the one with the hole,” she said.

“I’m the one with the nuts,” he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked in, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr. Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn’t long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic-Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn’t keen to have any more Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard . He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a Magic Moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, he needed Time Out. He noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr. Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly he was soon to discover he had an itchy Double Decker. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with All Sorts!

Today I found out that the following appears to be valid:

<img src=”//www.website.com/images/image1.jpg” alt=”" />

The double forward slash at the beginning of the SRC basically means use the protocol that is in existence on the current page. So if your page is running over http the image will be called from http://www.website.com/ whereas if your page is running over https the image will be called from https://www.website.com/

I tested this in IE5, IE6, IE7 and the latest versions of Firefox, Opera and Safari and it seemed to work, although it displayed a broken image in an old version of Konqueror, meaning this is a new addition to the specs or a quirk that more recent browsers have adapted.

Below is a photo of a KitKat machine taken in the old Jaguar plant at Browns Lane, Coventry.

I can actually remember a time when a chocolate bar did cost 20p.

Today a road I was on was closed and someone sent me off in another direction, at which point I accidentally ended up in the middle of an RAF air base.

Entrance

Danger live explosives in use keep out when red flags are flying

Keep out when red flags are flying. Ooops?

Runway

APC

APC

Today I went to the gym and was shocked to see an elderly asian lady (at least 80 years old) in FULL asian garb working out on the stairmaster. It looked like she was struggling a bit, and I honestly wondered if it was someone’s mother and she was just messing around waiting for someone.

But then she asked these two guys who were torturing themselves on the leg press how many more sets they had left. When they finished she did no more than get into the leg press and start pressing 420 pounds. Actually I’m kidding about the 420 pounds but she did use the leg press.

I left my phone in the car otherwise I’d have taken a photo. It’s got to be the strangest thing I have seen so far this year. I mean don’t get me wrong, good luck to her. It’s just not what you would expect to see, especially in a meathead gym.

Today I parked a little way away from where I work, and on returning to my car there was a note on my windscreen, addressing me by name, saying:

“Carrot, I love you. Do you love me??? Think of the man love we could share!!! I’m yours and panting. Bob”

Now I strongly suspect someone I know has committed this deed, however they would have quite a long walk to where I had parked, and I have never parked there before so they would not know to look. Not only that, but everyone I know in the area was working at the time.

In addition to this, I had hundreds of missed calls to my mobile the night before from a withheld number, and today I got a text message saying: “I’m watching you… True love is brown and sticky. Please answer when I call. You ignored me last night love Bob!”

Also note the perfect spelling and grammar which means it’s unlikely it’s any of my friends ¬_¬

A long time ago, a kid asked another kid that was crazy about pokemon if he liked mudkips. The kid answered with very bad grammar and very enthusiastically that he loved them. The first person asked if he would f*** one and before he said “if you were a mudkip” the kid agreed in the affirmative. The first kid said that he happened to have a mudkip doll with him and when he pulled it out, the mudkip lover had whipped off his pants and was on the ground actually f***ing it.
Not to get between a man and his mudkipz, the guy stepped away while a crowd began to form around the strange boy.

(The following is what is believed to happen)
A girl tried to take the doll, the insane boy bit her. Naturally this pissed off her football-captain esque boyfriend who gathered some of his buddies and beat the living s*** out of the kid.

(The following is confirmed)
When a teacher came, the students were sent to their classrooms. Eventually, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that requested the football team members to come forward and also an individual who had thrown a flaming plush mudkip doll into the library. Over the loudspeaker came the voice of a woman later identified as the weird boy’s mother screaming, “You little motherfuckers, I’ll sue!” but was quickly shut down.

So I ask you: do you liek mudkipz?

The damage has been repaired (without respraying the whole bumper), however my wallet is now £140 lighter. Chips Away sanded down the area and cleaned it with solvent, before priming, painting, polishing and lacquering. All in all about 3 hours work and there is no sign of the original “mistake”.

I am glad the whole bumper didn’t need doing because I learnt today that when Jaguar apply the factory paint they check it afterwards with a laser to within 100 microns.

Afterwards the bin men arrived and I looked out the window to check they didn’t reverse the lorry into the car (that would have been ironic). Anyway, I saw the driver get out and look around suspiciously, and then proceed to have a piss up the side of the lorry wheel.

There looks like a blemish in the paint but this is just light reflection.